I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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