we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize