I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
