did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize