I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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