You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
