i can't believe i had my finger in that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
