dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
