Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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