he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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