There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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