I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
