Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
