She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
