Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize