The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
