Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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