then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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