I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
