The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
