Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
