are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Are we still banned from the library?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
