I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
