What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
