Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
