Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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