i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
