my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
