sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
