if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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