oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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