He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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