saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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