got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
