I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
