Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize