I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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