so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
