I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
