Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's the barista slut.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
