East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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