I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
