i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
