I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
