I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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