somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
