Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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