I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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