I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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