It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
