i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
