My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
