He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
