Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
