Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she told me i tasted like america
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
