On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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