The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
