I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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