Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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