ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
