He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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