Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
