Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
